The Sunbaked King

Popoy and Basha’s Breakup Formula

There are certain questions in life that we ought to have instruction manuals for. Not everyone has an innate ability to solve their problems without outside help. Even philosophers have stumbled; even great minds have succumbed to disheartening results. If only life were quantifiable, then we would have all the answers we need, sooner or later. If everything could be reduced to x‘s and y‘s, then the world would be a simpler place to live in. (Well… especially for those who love math.)

Take, for instance, this question: How long after a breakup should one person wait before entering into another relationship?

Note the important phrasing. The question specifically refers to “entering into another relationship,” and not necessarily “recovering from previous relationship.” (Kudos to my friend MakMak for spotting the difference.) Of course, it is unwise to enter into another relationship without recovering from your previous one, but those are issues of relationship ethics and do not fall under the scope of this discussion. What does fall in-scope is the fact that there’s a difference; the two aren’t necessarily equivalents of each other.

Given the Very Important Problem, we had to have a starting point. And this is where Popoy and Basha come in. Remember the movie, One More Chance? Most of the scenes in that movie were close-ups of John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo***, but it did leave me with something to ponder on: the three-month rule.

Basha (Bea Alonzo) and Mark (Derek Ramsey) enter Bellini’s. Mark introduces himself, but Popoy goes berserk.

Popoy: Hindi mo ba alam ang 3-month rule, Basha? Bakit hindi mo sinunod? Bakit?

Popoy and Basha were together for 5 years before they decided to call it quits. So let us consider that as our starting point: when the Period Together is 60 months, the Considerate Required Period of Singlehood (CRPS) is 3 months.

Breakup_P&B_original

But one point is not enough to establish any trend. What do we do with it? Is 3 months a fixed CRPS? That doesn’t seem to be a fair length of time for couples who met and broke up within 3 months. Why be single for a period longer than the time you and your ex were together? In order for the formula to be equitable, the CRPS should move in some fashion with the months the ex-couple were together.

It could be linear…

Breakup_P&B_Linear

…but that would be boring. The formula should be both elegant and exciting. While the linear equation is elegant, it is not exciting. Relationships should be both. Or at least the formula for break-ups should be both.

You know what would be both elegant and exciting? Polynomials. Yes, polynomials. With the right formulation, the polynomial form is sexy and scientific at the same time. To avoid complications (and lest we appear too eager), let us settle with a second-degree polynomial equation. However, in order for us to create the perfect polynomial solution to our Very Important Problem, we need to establish another point. Two points are not enough to create a unique second-degree polynomial equation.

For the purposes of this discussion, let us call this point, Justifiable Point. Justifiable Point is located at 50 Months of Togetherness, and 2 Months CRPS:

Breakup_P&B_OtherPoints

And a simple trending line in Excel will lead to this fantastic formula:

Considerate Required Period of Singlehood (CRPS) = [Months Together * (Months Together – 10)]/1000

Breakup_Final

Let’s see how this formula works. Consider A and B, a couple that had been together for 10 years before they decided to go their own ways. This means that they were together for 10 x 12 = 120 months. The CRPS for both of them would be [120 * (120 – 10)]/1000, which, through some simple computations, equates to 13.2 months. In other words, they are free to date whomever they want after a little over a year. It’s that simple!

Here are some other important milestone figures:

Breakup_P&B_Table

Of course, the detail that immediately pops to the eye are the negative CRPS for couples who have been together for only 10 months or less. We wanted to have an elegant solution, and it seems that negative Periods of Singlehood are not that very elegant. But wait. If we analyze it further, the weird solution may actually have a point somewhere. Could it be science’s way of telling us that such relationships should have lasted longer than it did (say, beyond 10 months), because otherwise it would have reflected poorly on both parties? Or could it be science’s way of telling us that such relationships are a waste of time and you should actually just move on? I’m an optimist so I think the former explanation is better, but whatever rocks your boat.

Another important result is this: it would take around 10 years of being together in order to merit a CRPS of at least 1 year; around 3 years in order to merit a month. Easier said than done, especially for those grieving, but science dictates that we keep our feelings together and move on before understandable grief turns into exaggerated wallowing. It’s just not healthy anymore.

The solution is complete*. Quod erat demonstrandum.

* If you feel offended, please do not take this post seriously.
*** If you feel offended, it might comfort you to know that I cried several times while watching that movie.

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Filed under: Eros, Geekery

17 Responses

  1. ella says:

    haha i really really like this post. ^^
    although i’m wondering where you got all the free time :p

  2. kerwinray says:

    This was 2 months in the making, Ella! 😛 The formula was created two months ago and tweaked during that time. The graphs were readied around a month ago. And it was only today that I found time to write the narrative for it. Hahaha. 🙂

  3. DN says:

    Waaaaaa. Huhuhu. Twelve hours lang dapat pero 6 months ang nagawa ko! What have I done?! Lol.

    ============

    “Could it be science’s way of telling us that such relationships should have lasted longer than it did (say, beyond 10 months), because otherwise it would have reflected poorly on both parties? Or could it be science’s way of telling us that such relationships are a waste of time and you should actually just move on?”

    Hmmmm. Nice point here…

  4. N says:

    Hmmm, you should add a factor of intensity of feelings here. You should have a second axis or something.

    Syempre seryoso.

    • kerwinray says:

      Hmmm… that would make it three-dimensional, methinks, and that’s outside the scope of the study. But let’s see, let’s see… it might be wise to dig into this discussion further.

      Intensity of feelings is a function of time, right? So is it correlated with time, or is it an independent axis altogether? There might be no need to add a z-axis if it’s directly correlated. We just need to adjust the formula to account for it. However, if it’s totally separate…

      We might need to do some market research into “intensity of feelings,” size up the sample, and look into the trends.

      • N says:

        I argue, nay, ATTEST that intensity of feelings and time together are totally separate. Hahaha! But that can be the second part of your study. We need to be sure that feelings do not have a linear correlation with time. Sample it. It’s of utmost importance.

      • kerwinray says:

        Then we shall test. 🙂 I will turn over my results on the 25th. You coming?

  5. j says:

    basta ako di ko maggamit ang table na yan (God,,,,please naman) 🙂

  6. Chrys says:

    I love it! you’re so brilliant…
    I wish you could also develop a formula on how to get over a person na hindi naman talaga napasaiyo in the first place.. 😦

    Cguro ndi na applicable dun ang CRPS.
    God bless!

  7. Vince says:

    Grabe ah… pinagisipan talagang mabuti..
    galing galing!

  8. Vince says:

    KERWIN!!!!

    IKAW PALA YAN!

    WALANG HIYA KA!

  9. […] Popoy and Basha’s Breakup Formula (via The Sunbaked King) There are certain questions in life that we ought to have instruction manuals for. Not everyone has an innate ability to solve their problems without outside help. Even philosophers have stumbled; even great minds have succumbed to disheartening results. If only life were quantifiable, then we would have all the answers we need, sooner or later. If everything could be reduced to x's and y's, then the world would be a simpler place to live in. (We … Read More […]

  10. edzcelperk says:

    this is fucking geeky ang genius!

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