The Sunbaked King

Another Blast from Another Past

You. Yes, you. Listen to me, and listen to me well. This is perhaps the only time I’m going to address this directly, so listen.

You fucked up my life again and again in the course of a single year. That much is clear. That much you acknowledge. You took away my innocence when you saw that I was weak; you destroyed the fairy tale life I had made for myself. I didn’t even see it coming, not really. The manipulation was too subtle, the mindfuck was too disguised to recognize. But you succeeded in your seduction. You got me. You almost owned me. Except I was never yours.

I stood up to you when I finally got out of the emotional trap you’d set for me. I broke free in the most unthinkable way possible. Confrontation had never been my thing; convenience was. But I did it. I finally saw the people who really mattered, and in the process, realized how much I’ve sacrificed them for you. I was stupid, and I was sorry. For myself and for my actions, for those who I’ve hurt and for those who I left behind.

When the dust settled and the drama was over, I regained my old life back. I didn’t forget about you, because forgetting would make me defenseless should things happen again. But pretty much soon you just became a floating memory, a topic of conversation reserved for intimate moments with special friends.

You came back two years ago, asking me how I was. The tone of your message was almost jovial, like we were already friends. We were not. Was it that too far into the future since the past happened? I didn’t think so, so I ignored you.

A year later, you messaged me again. The message was longer. The message was more sober. You asked me if I was still mad at you. You asked me if I could forgive the past. Was I still mad? Not really. Was I ready to forgive? Maybe I was. But in the end, I thought of my friends, and chose to ignore you.

Two hours ago, I received another message. This was thrice as long as the last one you sent. You still have not forgotten. If it’s possible, this was even more serious than the last one. You acknowledged the fact that you screwed up with my life. You apologized for the hurt. You said you regretted all the wrong that you have done. And after you said all these things, you hoped that we could be friends again, that we could start over.

This is where things become complicated.

I do not wish to ignore you again. I want to believe that you’re sincere. I have changed in the course of how many years, and I am certain you have, too. That is not the entire point. The issues are these: will my acceptance mean that I would have to sacrifice the trust of another? Will this be a betrayal of a decision I made years ago? Will I be opening myself up again for a world of hurt?

As long as these questions remain unanswered, I will simply just have to ignore you once again. Way to transition from Good Friday to Black Saturday, though. Way to go.


Filed under: Them, Untamed

5 Responses

  1. anonymews says:

    Some people are just born to be ignored. Based on how you remembered this person, “it” (the “you” in the story) is one of them. 🙂

  2. M says:

    As long as you’re not sure, don’t.

  3. kerwinray says:

    Consider your comments/advice taken.

  4. N says:

    You can choose not to tolerate a person in your life. Some should never be acknowledged to co-exist in the same biosphere if they just cause you pain.

  5. kerwinray says:

    “Biosphere.” The word, me likes.

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