The Sunbaked King

Stuck in This Moment

I’ve never been the type of person who takes the Holy Week seriously. I watch the people around me go around their spiritual routines– going to silent retreats, visiting churches, taking a break from all things indulgent, fasting, abstaining, what have you– but I ignore the “spirit” entirely. After taking off and leaving my hometown for college, no one’s been able to dictate what I should or should not do, and one of the things I decided not to do was celebrate the Holy Week. Honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to engage in these almost-masochistic activities just to gain a certain sense of spiritual enlightenment. What is the real purpose of the sacrifice? What is the real purpose of the pain?

But that negative remark isn’t the point of this entry. In fact, just the opposite. The Holy Week may be the best opportunity for me to reset my life at a fundamentally deeper level. Yes, I’ve been attempting to deal with changes here and there, but all of them feel like shedding skin– superficial and temporary. I need to transform within; power down, restart, reboot. And perhaps that sacrifice, the one I always thought was unnecessary, was in fact necessary, after all. I don’t want to be stuck in this moment once again:

Sulking done. At least the attempt at creativity took my mind off other things. Like how I’m getting lazy in going to the gym. Like how I’ve abandoned my studying for the exams. Like how I slept through the entire day and woke up sometime early evening to eat junk. At least being bummed over this one thing saved me from being bummed over a million others.

Better this than that something else. At least.

When will I ever get a break?

That was one year ago, April 13th. The title of that entry was “Bummed.” I have no plans of getting to that place once again. I’m having the time of my life right now, and for everything to crash down to that point where I’m happy to be bummed about one thing rather a million others is just not right. I may be at the precipice, but I’m also standing near the cliff. One push will be enough to send me hurtling down this vicious drop of sadness.

Is this enough of a reason to celebrate the Holy Week? I don’t think so, and I think I’m missing the point somewhere, but it’s a perfectly sound reason to cleanse myself anew. It’s a good place to start as any.

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Filed under: Utter Sadness

2 Responses

  1. anonymews says:

    I 101% agree with you, especially the first paragraph. :p

  2. kerwinray says:

    I wonder who you are, Anonymews. 🙂

    But yes, sometimes these sacrifices make me think. Theology is faith within reason, and I want to know the reason for this show of faith.

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