The Sunbaked King

Hope Springs Eternal

I took a look at the window and saw that you were making your way inside the room. I sighed. This was no time for surprises of any kind. “What are you doing here? I’m tired.”

“I know, I know. But I thought it would be nice to bring you something while you worked.” I couldn’t place the expression on your face. A mischievous giddiness? Whatever it was you were doing, it wasn’t working. I was at the receiving end of F’s short patience, and if he couldn’t be pleased, I sure couldn’t be, either.

“I don’t think I can be disturbed right now,” I said, returning to my papers. “You just would have to wait.” I didn’t want you to wait– in fact, I wanted you to come so badly, but I couldn’t show it. I was still under F’s jurisdiction. I was still under F’s control.

Thank God you ignored me, which was pretty much what I expected from you. As I made my way through the piles of paperwork, a soft sound emanated beside me. It was a melody that called out memories that were not mine, but they were beautiful memories nonetheless. Each note pulled a part of me from myself, soothed the aches beneath my feet, and brought me to a place of peace and serenity– a vision of green grass, tall oak trees, and a carousel.

When I opened my eyes, I knew that F was over. You held my hand and confirmed it. The music box you brought with you was just icing on a very sweet cake.

“You liked it?” you asked, knowing the reply before it came.

“Yes.”

You squeezed my hand tighter. “Then you can have it.”

* * * * *

Not all stories have happy endings, even those lulled into sweetness by the melodies of a wonderful music box. Not even the kind run by brightly colored horses on an intricate carousel. While the beautiful rhythm lives on, you know that not everything can be painted on a canvas of sound.

* * * * *

“I’m sorry.”

I knew you were sincere. I knew that you had no control over the situation. But I had to react the way I did. “I wish you never came with that music box. You just meant to make me vulnerable so that you could hurt me.”

You looked me in the eyes and asked me a question I could not answer: “Do you really mean that?”

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had to escape the doubt that ballooned ever so dangerously in my mind. I grabbed the music box and angrily hurled it against the wall. It was a fragile little thing, that carousel. It had no chance of surviving the blow. With a meek little ting!, the horses revolved around the center one last time before it surrendered itself to the silence.

There was only one word for what I felt when it hit me: horror.

“Look what you made me do! Look what you made me do!” I ran across the room to pick up the pieces, but then you stopped me. You held me in my place. I trembled underneath your touch, and the heavy sobs pushed my body helplessly against yours.

“There is nothing we can do now but move on. It was my fault, but it also wasn’t. We’re almost done, but we’re not yet done. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I didn’t. But you continued speaking like I did. “I’ll be leaving you, but not like this, not with a heavy heart. I promise you that.”

I kept myself steady and looked at you with my bloodshot eyes. “You can’t promise anything.”

* * * * *

Except sometimes, promises are happy surprises.

* * * * *

I stood at the office one night, looking out the vast glass windows that flanked my desk. The city lights were scintillating like the stars; the lamp posts like little supernovas. Once upon a time I walked away from this place with a certain fear and sadness. But right now, all I felt was hope.

When you appeared by the door, I was not surprised. When you took out your violin and began to play, I smiled. You’d come to say goodbye.

* * * * *

– My life in March, depicted in snippets of made-up sceneries and fictitious conversations.

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Filed under: Fiction, Yes?

4 Responses

  1. ryce says:

    hmmm nice entry pero uber sad di ka pa rin pala tapos sa emo mowd mo… smile ker…;p

  2. kerwinray says:

    Hahaha, di yan emo mode. 🙂

  3. ryce says:

    hmmm e anung mowd ito??? nyahahah

  4. kerwinray says:

    Fiction mode. 🙂

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