The Sunbaked King

What’s Hot and What’s Not: American Idol Top 13

Time to dust the cobwebs off my Elaborately Xciting Calculator for Entertainment and Love (EXCEL) because American Idol Season 8 is upon us once again! It’s up to me to compute the impact of these 13 individuals on my life and on my soul, because from here on out, I am a wreck because of them. Cheering to the point of destroying furniture and booing to the point of getting into arguments are such tiring, tiring chores, so I might as well establish a facade of objectivity behind my senseless actions.

So how does the EXCEL system work? Each week, the AI hopefuls are subjected to rigorous auditory and visual assessment, and are given points based on 3 criteria: Vocals, Appeal or Marketability, and Kerwin Bias. Vocals comprise 50% of the grade; appeal, 30%; and Kerwin bias, 20%. Some of you might already raise eyebrows on the Kerwin bias, but its presence is important. I need to inject a little bit of me into the system, you know… make it my own?

Now that the explanations are over, the entries for the next weeks are going to be much shorter. At least until I find one true Idol and blab about him or her endlessly. (Hint: It’s probably going to be a him.) Let’s begin!

Top 13
Michael Jackson Night

13 Jorge Nunez. Never Can Say Goodbye. Vocals: 12th + Appeal: 13th + Bias: 12th = 40.00%.

That was painful.

12 Scott MacIntyre. Keep the Faith. Vocals: 9th + Appeal: 12th + Bias: 13th = 50.25%.

The slow parts were not so good to listen to, and his singing failed him at these times. When the song peaked, however, I began to enjoy it. Will God punish me if I state for the record that looking at Scott’s face while he performs disturbs me a little?

11 Megan Joy Corkrey. Rockin’ Robin. Vocals: 12th + Appeal: 10th + Bias: 8th = 51.00%.

I don’t understand what’s up with Megan. Has she been this melody-less? I know a lot of people who like her, but ever since I’ve seen her in the semis, she’s done nothing but bleat at me.

10 Allison Iraheta. Give In To Me. Vocals: 11th + Appeal: 6th + Bias: 9th = 60.00%.

Her attempts at “rock” fell flat. She might seem like a post-Idol Kelly Clarkson, but remember, even Kelly Clarkson had My December.

9 Anoop Desai. Beat It. Vocals: 10th + Appeal: 7th + Bias: 6th = 61.75%.

I love Anoop’s parents! Wee! Such joy, these Indians! Go Slumdog Millionaire! Oh, sorry, wrong sentiment. Anoop’s vocals were thin althroughout, and I did not enjoy his performance. If he keeps on doing this, he’s going to be gone soon, Slumdog Millionaire‘s victory notwithstanding.

8 Jasmine Murray. I’ll Be There. Vocals: 3rd + Appeal: 10th + Bias: 11th = 64.25%.

Consistently good vocals. Boring song. Performance lacked soul. Like Kara, I was on the edge thinking she might botch some of the notes (and didn’t!); however, I don’t think she has much stage presence. As can be seen from the breakdown, it’s my bias and her lack of appeal that did her in.

7 Matt Giraud. Human Nature. Vocals: 8th + Appeal: 8th + Bias: 6th = 66.00%.

Matt has this tendency to sing well, and then botch the notes completely. It’s inconsistent, and quite distracting. The falsetto didn’t do it for me this time around, but it has potential.

6 Michael Sarver. You’re Not Alone. Vocals: 6th + Appeal: 8th + Bias: 4th = 67.75%.

I hated the arrangement, hated how the song was changed. He sang it competently, but I felt he was too loud. I know he wasn’t shouting, but it felt like it. I still like him, though. Seems very down-to-earth.

5 Lil Rounds. The Way You Make Me Feel. Vocals: 3rd + Appeal: 4th + Bias: 10th = 72.25%.

I liked it perhaps more than I should have, but the problem is this: it lacked oomph. It didn’t surprise me, it didn’t truly excite me. (Lil Rounds also proves that the Kerwin bias doesn’t really matter that much if you can sang. Yes, bow down to my objectivity.)

4 Kris Allen. Remember the Time. Vocals: 6th + Appeal: 1st + Bias: 1st = 75.50%.

He doesn’t have the vocal chops of one Danny Gokey, but he has as much appeal (if not more), and I am liking him more than I did during the semifinals. I love how upbeat and light everything was. PAULA, STOP GUSHING! YOU’RE WET! RYAN, WATCH THE GRIP ON THE SHOULDER!

3 Alexis Grace. Dirty Diana. Vocals: 2nd + Appeal: 5th + Bias: 4th = 75.75%.

This is how you do it, Allison. At first I thought it was a matter of preference, since rock isn’t exactly my thing, but Alexis was able to infuse a sultry, sexy vibe to the entire shebang, and it made me like it tremendously. (Note the very close proximity to Kris Allen’s grade. That, guys, is what you call “willpower”.)

2 Adam Lambert. Black and White. Vocals: 5th + Appeal: 1st + Bias: 2nd = 77.50%.

A better Blake. Somehow that makes sense. The performance is electrifying, the presence is magnetic, and– unlike Blake– he has vocals that are insanely out of this world. While sometimes it feels like he’s bordering on screeching and tearing out my eardrums, I don’t care. Blake didn’t have the best vocals, but I ended up loving each and every performance of his.

1 Danny Gokey. PYT. Vocals: 1st + Appeal: 1st + Bias: 2nd = 82.50%.

Gosh, I like the growl! The choice of song, however, did nothing for me. He sang it well, but there’s only so much that he can do with “Na na na na”. (BIAS ALERT) I must agree with Paula– Danny is in here to win it. Love him!

ai8_danny_gokeyPicture taken from americanidol.com.

Well, that’s pretty much it, folks and fellows. If I may say so, Michael Jackson Night is eons better than the Beatles Night last year. In general, that is. However! Outstanding performances (such as Brooke White’s Let It Be) are still yet to be found. Keep ’em coming! I’m sure Adam will conjure something soon.

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Filed under: Geekery, The Couch Potato, TV

6 Responses

  1. Nes says:

    I’m a rock fan, so that Adam dude made me feel things only women should feel. (-_-)

  2. justine says:

    #1 si Kris sa Kerwin bias category! Ahahahahaha!

    I have to agree, I watch him kasi ang cute nya, I will watch him even with the volume turned all the way down =P

    So far i like Danny (talent and appeal), Kris (cute, yes I’m shallow haha), Anoop (slumdog effect) and Lil (talent).

    I’m glad Anoop got to stay, but I was sad for Jorge, kasi he’s such a sweetheart… aww…

    I don’t like Adam… too shouty.. sorry…

    Pero #1 rin si Kris sa “Justine bias”! cheers! =P

    (I only started watching the entire show starting Top13, so my bias is purely based on looks, no back stories included, hehehe)

    ang haba ng comment ko, sorry, I got carried away, hehehe!

  3. kerwinray says:

    @Nes: I’m not sure what that means exactly, Nes. Did you like it? Hahaha.

    @Justine: Hahaha, you caught that! Ang talented kasi niya e! Hehe.

    Your opinion about Adam is fine. He’s a polarizing figure. Either you like him or you don’t. No middle ground for him, methinks.

    I also choose to watch later (Group Round; semis) so that I won’t be biased about back stories, but I guess a little later (finals) is better to keep that goal in check.

  4. […] most likely to have watched: American Idol. I’ve recapped my thoughts on the performances here, so you can browse through those, and in the process see a massive dose of bias for Danny Gokey, […]

  5. N says:

    @Nes: I’m not sure what that means exactly, Nes. Did you like it? Hahaha.

    OH YES. Hahaha!

    Actually, I watch AI because of Paula Abdul. It’s painful to hear her talk, trying to squeeze out words of encouragement or praise when the performance was clearly awful. It’s so perplexing and weird, and yet I cannot look away…

    (in trance)

  6. kerwinray says:

    Paula?! Oh goodness, N. I’d rather eat vegetables.

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