The Sunbaked King

Yearend Series 2008: The Year That Was (II)

May: May 10, 2008. That was perhaps the date when I first glimpsed a world that would soon suck me in. A week later, I found myself in the center of a universe I never had the chance to explore before. I was enthralled, excited, eager.

My life is standing at the threshold of a new world right now. I don’t know what’s out there. I’ve only seen glimpses and only heard sound bites, but the visions I glimpsed were colorful, and the sounds I heard were pleasant to the ear. As it was with every beginning, I’m terrified, and yet excited.

I took the leap and never looked back. Well, until now. Do I regret it? No. Do I wish things turned out differently? No. It wasn’t about the new bonds that were formed; I was thankful for that for so many reasons (a reason to shop for new clothes, on the shallow side; a reason to expand the self in relation to the other, on the deep end). Exploration isn’t so bad, as long as you know what you’re leaving behind.

June: The more I explored this new world, the more I forgot what it was that I left behind. In the process of scouting what I had missed out on, I stumbled upon an especially wonderful gem. I knew about the gem from a friend who first saw it jutting out of a rock; I knew the gem’s power to charm; I knew the gem’s magical properties. But I ignored the warnings my friend gave me. The gem was too beautiful, too irresistible. I had to have it.

The gem accelerated the process of forgetting. But when the gem decided that I was not the right owner for it, my previous life came crashing back down. The fantasy world collapsed around me. One after the other, the dominoes tumbled: a rejection for a job application I thought I aced and an exam that I knew I failed spectacularly.

But it wasn’t all gloom and doom, no matter how much I try to emphasize that it was. I transferred, both in the real world and the virtual world, and I was glad. Our office left its old home and transferred just across the hall, but it felt like we moved from Manila to Makati.

And perhaps the more important transfer: I left Multiply and created The Sunbaked King.

July and August: I didn’t realize how much of my time the blog occupied until I sifted through the archives. Nothing of note happened during July and August, but my blog contained tons of movie reviews, restaurant reviews, book lists, and TV commentaries. It seemed like I dove into blogging and stayed there, and only rose up to breathe a dose of reality occasionally (like during my birthday, which was a superb addicting dose of reality).

The blog transformed from a “stalking” device (or pa-porma device, if you prefer) to something resembling a friend. The Single Guy entries (fiction, yes) served as both my companion and cushion for those times I wondered “if only” and wondered “how come”? And for a while, it worked. And for a moment, I felt, really, really fine.

September: Check out these September entries in my previous blogs:

2006
I’m tired. I’m confused. I don’t want to think anymore. I deserve to be alone. I think I’m meant to be alone.

2007
My self-esteem just dropped a thousand points right now.

You know that you’re not as OK as you think you are when you start singing boy band songs and chewing various candies to console yourself.

On a lighter note, I don’t like the Smoothie Mix series of Skittles. Damn you, Cotton Candy flavor! But I ate you anyway.

Wait. That wasn’t so light a note, after all.

As you can see, September was my Waterloo month, the month that trumped all other months in terms of self-pity and defeat. But in 2008, September was a month of redemption, of recollection, of revival. For the first time in months, I felt contented. With just a change in routine, my life seemed to turned around. I had time to do everything: study for my exams, blog during nighttime, party during weekends (O, the Dark, the Dark), and bond with new-found friends. Never mind the crisis in the insurance industry; never mind the stress of the impending exams. Indeed, I felt a flash of hope that the year would end at a very high note.

And it didn’t hurt that Ateneo won the basketball championship. 🙂

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Filed under: Yearend

One Response

  1. […] the Exam. My second local exam, my sixth overall, my seventh technically. I failed my last exam in June, and I certainly didn’t want that to happen again. So by September, I had my schedule all […]

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