The Sunbaked King

Comeback (I)

I started this blog for love. It’s one of those decisions that appear so suddenly– so forcefully— in your mind, you feel stupid afterwards for not thinking about it at once. Life throws you love, and at the same time offers you opportunity, and yet you choose to ignore it? Not acceptable. Unfathomable. But better late than never. Gripped by an urgency so intense and a growing desire to please, The Sunbaked King was born.

The childbirth was the easy part. After a few grunts of HTML pain and layout despair, the King was out and rolling. But I knew, even in its infancy, that I had to do the more agonizing task of wearing my heart on my online sleeve. To bare myself, not to scores of loyal frequent readers (as if I had such), but to only One. I have been warned to avoid the enchanting allure of the illusion, but I did not pay any attention. I have forgotten how it was to love, and I wanted to know.

This is what I learned: that pain, no matter how expected, will always be more painful than you anticipate it to be. That negativity begets negativity: I failed in an exam I studied months for, and I got rejected in my pursuit of a better life. That no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that everything will be fine, it wouldn’t be until it actually is. 

Nevertheless, the blog remained. Because the King did what it had to do. It showed me that I was still capable of loving, that good feelings were still possible after all. The pain and the sadness may have torn me weeks on end, but writing about them (in cryptic entries and in messages you need to read between the lines to understand) dulled it somewhat. Emphasis on some.

I found the dark a few weeks later, and that was when the old wound healed, and others began to open.

To be continued.

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Filed under: Eros, Helios, Ra, Untamed

One Response

  1. […] 2008: The Year That Was (I) In Yearend on January 1, 2009 at 2:39 pm My Comeback entries (I and II) almost served as a summary of the year that was. Almost is the operative word here, because […]

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