The Sunbaked King

The Way Things Were

It’s 2:00 in the morning. 

If there’s one thing I don’t mind, it’s growing old. Left and right I hear people complaining that they’re getting older. I don’t particularly care. In fact, scratch that, I do care. I care because I relish it. Experience comes with age. With experience come lessons, and with lessons comes a renewed sense of self, a self you know knows better than the last one you had. Simple logic takes over from there. To become a better person, you need to learn more, and in order to learn more, you need to experience more, and in order to experience more, you need to have more time do it.

It’s 2:02 in the morning.

What is it that people fear about the passing of time? Do they fear the certainty of death? Or do they fear that life will pass them by without them having anything to show that they have lived it well? If you’re happy with how your life has turned out, you wouldn’t want to change it, or even freeze it in its tracks. You’d want to live more, and learn more, and experience more. You would want to make the most out of it. If, on the other hand, you’re unhappy with the way things are, the best thing to do is not to wish things back to the way they were. The best thing to do is to move forward and get these episodes done and over with.

It’s 2:14 in the morning.

But it’s so goddamn difficult, isn’t it? Sometimes, I long for a self I have lost along the way. Sometimes, I long for the innocence of an untainted youth. Sometimes, I long for the wonder of an untarnished love. Not every experience is worth experiencing, not every lesson is worth learning, not every self is worth being. But that’s the way it is. Once reality bites, it doesn’t let go. You’ll have to be the one to do it. Adapt. Change. Let go.

It’s 2:23 in the morning.

Turn off the lights. Strike a match. Light a candle. Face yourself in the mirror. Look at the self you are now. As the wax melts, remember the self you were before this. As the wax trickles down the length of the candle and burns your fingers, remember the pain that gave birth to the new you. For it is heartbreak, and sadness, and pain that change people. Before you blow the candle, take a good look at the person in front of you. Remember him. Remember now. 

Remember 2:30 in the morning.

And then let go.


Filed under: Eros, Ra

14 Responses

  1. Lance says:

    perfectly created post…
    it’s sure is funny how we can create or divulge into many things in just a 30 minute span of time….

  2. White says:

    I believe it is not how much time we need in order to be the best possible person that we want to be but how we live our every minute of our lives.

  3. White says:

    …how we live every minute of lives. 🙂

  4. kerwinray says:

    @ Lance: Especially after watching a moving film about it, the mind tends to work in hyperdrive.

    @ White: Exactly. But there’s only so much you can do in a few minutes, right? You need more. 🙂

  5. makmak says:

    Hindi naman, minsan sapat na ang isang minuto. Mahirap ipaliwanag (kasi kakagising ko lang) pero ganun. 🙂

  6. joeysince1983 says:

    ka-drama man ker! :p =))

    well, losing is REALLY a part of life. that’s why life is important in every second that passes. it’s like: “why’d you hate vegetables?” “because they’re always there”… parang ganun. 🙂

    weird lang na naka-tag siya as eros… was this supposedly a “sensual” post? :p
    Turn off the lights. Strike a match… As the wax melts… As the wax trickles down the length of the candle… Before you blow… take a good look at the person in front of you…” (medyo vanity strikes sa dulo… haha)

  7. kerwinray says:

    @ MakMak: Sapat ang minuto sa iisang bagay. Paano ang susunod na mga bagay? At paano kung nagkamali ka sa una mong pagsubok? Kailangan ng panahon para matuto sa kamaliang naganap. 🙂

    @ Joey: Joey, I was supposed to add to this entry, “This might not look like an entry about love, but it is.” Hahaha. Changes a lot of things about how it should be read, no? 🙂

  8. joeysince1983 says:

    lolz! kaya pala! :p

    i-recommend ko sa ‘yo yung quote ko sa aking post:

    best wishes! 😀

  9. makmak says:

    Sa totoo lang, gustung-gusto kong ipaliwanag kung ano yung value nung una kong comment pero ang hirap. Hamo, pag-iisipan ko mamaya pagtapos ng meeting ko. LOL.

    Ang dami dami kong gustong sabihin pero hindi ko maisip yung angkop na salita para maipaliwanag kong mabuti eh. Sa tingin ko kapag nagsulat pa ako dito ay iikot lang sa kawalan yung argumento ko. 😛

  10. hodgepodgemusings says:

    @kerwin – need more time? sabi nga “in your time”, “in his time”, “sa takdang panahon”… 🙂

  11. joeysince1983 says:

    oo nga noh. well 😀 ~ see quote

    best wishes ker! 🙂

  12. Ken says:

    Succinctly put. Nice. 🙂

  13. kerwinray says:

    @ MakMak: Thanks for the attempt, though, Mak. 🙂 Or should I say: Salamat sa pagsubok na bigyang liwanag ang iyong mga dating naisulat. Nagagalak ako pinag-isipan mo ito ng mabuti.

    @ White: Yes, I basically agree that you need to do what you have to do in your own time. But how often do you get things right the first time? How often do you achieve happiness in a single go? 🙂

    @ Ken: Thanks. 🙂

  14. kerwinray says:

    @ Joey: Just a comment on the quote: 🙂

    We can never ever really be lonely. This might be hard to believe, coming from me, and reading some of my sad entries will pretty much dispute what I’m saying now. But loneliness… it’s a heavy word that’s dropped without much consideration as to what it means (I’m guilty).

    If you look around, there’s someone.

    There always is. 🙂

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